I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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