Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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