A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
this will be a night to untag.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
