Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
