Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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