my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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