When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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