the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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