Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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