if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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