So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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