I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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