Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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