I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
