He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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