my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
