areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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