I'm really into asian looking animals
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So vagazzling was a success
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
