I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize