You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
