Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
