What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
