In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
