so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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