Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
