I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
