Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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