I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
