That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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