the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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