So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
