i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
