I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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