these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
