Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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