my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
