Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
