Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
