Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that