it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.