Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am one with the molecules
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"