how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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