i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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