I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.