dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How's your threesome situation going?
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says