My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize