first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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