Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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