Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you will always have a special place in my vag
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
