Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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