I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
