You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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