the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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