Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
