i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
