Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
