At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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