Soap is not a condiment
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
