May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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