Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
