I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have demons in me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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