I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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