he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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