he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
