Are we in a gay sports bar?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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