Buhtt sex?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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