I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
