i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
